Going Through The Motions
by Six of Twelve
Summary: Seven of Nine reassesses her place within the human collective and her future plans, when Voyager's return to Earth becomes imminent. Takes place during "Endgame".


_**Author's Note: This isn't a regular story with plot, dialogue, and action, but, rather, is a piece that gets into Seven of Nine's thoughts as she contemplates Voyager's imminent return to Earth. Most of the stories about her here are romances, so I wanted to try something different. The usual disclaimers apply.**_

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Seven of Nine was grateful to finally take her post in astrometrics quite some time after Admiral Janeway's surprising arrival from the future. In the years that Seven had been with the Voyager crew, despite knowing that their prime goal was to return to the Alpha Quadrant, it had been merely a distant possibility to the former Borg drone. It was something she'd never given much thought to, as it was irrelevant to her daily life. But, now that the completion of Voyager's journey seemed imminent, Seven was unsettled. It was time to reassess her place among humanity and her own goals for the future.

She pulled up an image of Earth on the screen and as she stood gazing at it, she remembered the snatches of conversation she'd heard from various crew members; how they all looked forward to going back to Earth. Most of the crew had emotional reactions when they thought of their home planet and looked at images of it.

But Seven of Nine felt nothing as she continued to stare at the image of the planet where her species originated, beyond an esthetic appreciation for the planet's appearance. Unlike the other humans on board, Seven was not going "back" to Earth; she'd been born off-world and had never been to Earth before as a child - at least, not that she recalled.

Nevertheless, the young woman looked forward to seeing the planet. She'd spent most of her life in space, first aboard her parents' small spacecraft, then aboard a huge Borg cube, and, finally, the last few years aboard Voyager. Spending some extended time planetside would be a new experience for her.

Seven of Nine was also apprehensive, however. Being in the small collective of humans confined to Voyager for the last few years was one thing, as they were all together for a particular purpose in an organized environment. It had been in the best interests of the crew, both human and of other humanoid species, to accept her and help her to acclimate after being severed from the Borg collective.

Thinking back about her three years aboard Voyager, Seven of Nine re-considered all that had transpired in regards to her re-integration into the human collective.

Captain Janeway, the one responsible for severing Seven's link to the collective, had taken on the responsibility of being her mentor. The captain's first bit of advice had been to stress the notion of individuality and the right to choose one's own destiny. She had said that this was the most cherished of human rights, and was the most fundamental way that humans differed from the Borg.

And, after careful observation of the crew, she found that this was mostly true, though not the entire story. Both the human and those of other species had a wide variety of temperaments and personalities. And even within the personality of a single individual, there were often inconsistencies of personality warring within them for dominance, usually depending upon the context and with whom they were interacting. Seven hypothesized that the personalities of the humans aboard Voyager seemed to have been strongly influenced and shaped by the experiences and circumstances in their lives. It was unsettling to Seven, accustomed to the consistent predictability of her fellow Borg drones.

But, for the most part, the crew did not adequately consider how life had shaped _her_ personality. Her efficient directness and lack of guile had made many aboard Voyager uncomfortable, causing them to see offense where none was intended. She had not been socialized by humans past her sixth year, so their attitude was most irrationsl.

Humans often wasted much time with indirect, inefficient, and time-consuming social rituals that quite often masked their true intentions. Though she had become accustomed to these rituals, she often wished people would simply cut to the chase and get to the point.

Though the prevailing attitude was that she should erase every speck of her Borg identity and forget that it ever happened, most of the crew respected her privacy, though they held her at arm's length. Some, however,particularly Lt. Torres, were openly hostile, acting as if she'd intruded where she wasn't wanted, forgetting that she'd been de-assimilated against her will.

But, at least, Lt. Torres did not hide behind time-wasting inanities. Like a Borg, she wasted no time in getting to the point, however irrelevant her points happened to be. And, she made the points that Seven suspected the rest of the crew probably shared, but mostly concealed from her. Lt. Torres had repeatedly admonished her to "get with the program" and be like "everyone else", often focusing on such irrelevancies as her not using the words "please" and "thank you".

So, apparently, human individuality went only so far. It was "be an individual...like everyone else", a contradiction in terms. It wasn't enough that she no longer wished to assimilate them nor wished to rejoin the Borg, or that she made positive contributions to the work aboard Voyager, apparently.

Even Captain Janeway, who was usually patient and understanding, had said that her simplified designation, Seven of Nine, was too "cumbersome" for the crew and that she should resume using the name Annika Hansen. Seven had not understood why "Seven of Nine", with three syllables, was cumbersome, while Annika Hansen, which had five, was not. And that was where Seven had first asserted her individuality - to insist upon retaining her Borg designation, which had been hers for eighteen years.

She had complied with the many suggestions from Captain Janeway and the Doctor by engaging in varied experiments in human social interactions on the holodeck. But, it had been and it remained, largely a matter of going through the motions. She wasn't like "everyone else", nor would she ever be and didn't see why she needed to be.

Seven had read a quote from a human philosopher that had asked why should all the pieces of a puzzle need to be identical in order to fit together harmoniously? When she'd first read this quote, she'd seen it as an excellent restatement of the original points Captain Janeway had made to her.

Experience had shown her, however, that this ideal was rarely carried out in its pure form in real life. Though not as obvious about it as the Borg, humans placed a high value on conformity as well. The difference she saw was that the humans, at least, allowed one to leave and separate themselves from a collective if they did not wish to belong any longer and to find another that suited them better.

But Seven had learned more about how to adjust to and get along with the crew by observing the non-human crew members, who were far more understanding than the mostly impatient humans. She especially respected Commander Tuvok, who was logical, consistent, and not given to irrelevant small talk, much like her. He understood her frustrations and her unwillingness to entirely erase who'd she'd been before Voyager. He had made suggestions for minor adjustments to her approach to verbal interactions that would help her avoid unwanted irrelevant exchanges with the crew, like those she'd frequently had with Lt Torres. So, she'd adopted the custom of saying "please" and "thank you" that meant so much to the lieutenant and others. Seven still didn't see the point of it, but she acknowledged that it helped avoid needless distractions from getting their work done in a timely fashion. It was a tool that promoted efficient teamwork with humans, nothing more.

She had had mostly satisfactory interactions with the Doctor as well, as they were both outsiders seeking to find their place within the mostly human collective. But Seven was often irritated by the Doctor's eager-beaver efforts to ingratiate himself with the crew that often bordered on narcissistic arrogance. Also, his unsubtle offers to assist her with learning about human mating rituals were particuliarly annoying. Still, he was a valuable ally.

Her experiments in human mating rituals, both on the Holodeck and in real life, had produced mixed results. During her first year aboard Voyager, she had become aware that Ensign Kim was sexually attracted to her. Curious to experience this part of being human, she had informed him of her willingness to copulate with him. But she'd been completely perplexed by his reaction to her offer. Instead of acting upon his attraction as she'd expected, he'd backed away from her, almost in revulsion.

Though she later learned that most humans preferred to be indirect and circuitous about pursuing those with whom they wished to copulate, she still didn't understand it. The sexual act was a natural human function and her research about it had indicated that it had many health benefits, in addition to its primary purpose of propagating the species.

Seven was unsure if she could ever produce biological offspring, as her reproductive capacities had been suppressed during her years as a Borg drone and she'd never had a menstrual cycle. But she was intrigued by the notion that humans were able to create their own personal collectives through sexual reproduction, instead of having to assimilate them as the Borg were required to do.

She wasn't sure if she wanted her own biological children, in any instance. She'd often heard female crew members complaining about their menstrual cycles; the mess, the inconvenience, the hormonal fluctuations, and so on. During her research about humanity, Seven had learned that humans also had their own form of "assimilation", known as adoption. Adoption appealed to the former Borg drone, and it was something she might consider one day.

Though her experience with Ensign Kim had ended unsatisfactorily, she'd had better results with Commander Chakotay. Perhaps her practice sessions with his holographic doppelganger had produced the better results, but she also considered that it might have been because the Commander was older, more mature, more patient, and had a broader range of life experiences than had the young Ensign.

Nevertheless her relationship with Chakotay wasn't quite a right fit for her, either. They had first met as adversaries when she was still attached to the collective. His attitude had remained one of mistrust and suspicion for quite awhile after she'd been severed from the Collective. Yet, he'd been open to having his suspicions proven wrong and had taken the first steps to integrate her into the crew by giving her a duty assignment. Slowly, he came to trust her, through her exemplary devotion to duty. Eventually, she considered him an ally, a valued teammate, and then a friend.

She wasn't sure when his feelings had progressed beyond friendship to romantic love. Those she'd asked for advice about this, particularly Neelix and Captain Janeway, had urged her to explore her own feelings for Chakotay; to see where it led her. Seven had done so, and while she enjoyed his companionship, the romantic part was still mostly going through the motions, and she didn't see the point of changing the parameters of their friendship.

Basing one's primary, personal collective on having a sexual attraction and then limiting it to a single individual made no logical sense to the former drone. Though Seven of Nine most definitely did not want to be alone, being part of a dyad was insufficient, not much better than being One. And her research had shown that most humans, Chakotay included, preferred to limit their romantic relationships to a single partner.

But that was not the way of the Borg. As well as being part of the larger Collective, Borg drones were also part of smaller collectives that comprised their work groups. In her case, she was part of a collective of nine drones. Their relationship to each other was based on the camaraderie that came with the teamwork of getting a job well done together. They supported one another in their shared work, and looked out for one another when there were threats to their safety. If a drone was destroyed or de-activated, another drone would be assigned to take their place, to make the small collective whole again. And the voices of one's smaller collective were always louder than those of other Borg in the larger Collective. She missed that and it was this type of smaller collective she hoped to form, as closely as she could adapt it to her new circumstances.

Seven knew she had to make it clear to Chakotay before they returned to Earth that their friendship would not lead to a permanent, exclusive, romantic dyad. All along, she'd been the one who had been expected to adjust herself to his expectations, just as she'd been expected to in other types of social interactions with the crew. He had not, nor had anyone else, thought that adjustments or compromises needed to be made to any of the ways of doing things that were comfortable and familiar to her.

While she wanted to remain friends with him, Seven knew it would be unfair to allow him to continue thinking that their friendship would one day lead to something more. She knew that Star Fleet would no doubt detain her for an extended, indefinite time in debriefings. She hoped that this time would allow Chakotay to reassess his feelings for her and that a new assignment for him would allow him to move on and find another woman more suitable for him.

Seven of Nine was determined to find her own collective, to replace the eight she'd lost when her link had been severed, but it would not be a larger version of the typical human dyad based on romantic love. Seven would find useful work and her workmates would be her collective.

She had thought that the Voyager crew would fill that need indefinitely, expecting that the trip to the Alpha Quadrant to take a couple decades, at least. But she knew now that they'd all split up and go their separate ways once they reached Earth, so Seven would need to find her own way as well . So, in the way humans reckoned things, she would remain "single", while being open to friendships, both platonic and, perhaps, intimate.

Seven of Nine now had growing confidence that she would find her niche among the human collective, but it would be on her own terms. Now quite certain she never wanted to return to the Borg, she also knew that being Borg would always be part of her and parts of it would be permanently incorporated into her personality. She would adapt.

Her apprehension gone, she left Astrometrics to return to her alcove to regenerate, in prepartion of another day experiencing the satisfaction of working with the Voyager crew, while that option still remained available to her.


End file.
